Fighting Ninja Turtles

Following A Current Affair’s investigation into the shonky practices of the eNews corporation I thought I would share my own experience with the company.

Many moons ago when I was in the searching for a job I stumbled upon a postition as an IT support person at eNews. I rang up the eNews manager - Ann and arranged an intervew for later in the week she said that it would take no more than an hour.

I arrived at roughly 12PM to a the non-descript warehouse and made my way into an ‘office’ where I was greeted by Ann and taken down a dark hallway and into a large room with a couple of chairs, stacks of boxes full of what appeared to be building rubbish and a photocopier that had seen better days.

Ann told me to wait a few while she called the IT manager. 5 minutes turned into 10 minutes turned into 15 minutes when Ann returned and showed me to a larger room filled with broken down computers and the obvious signs of a recent rat visitation. I was introduced to the IT man who was a Indian and didn’t have a very good grasp of the English language.

He explained that some of my ‘duties’ would include assisting the staff in their computing needs and data entry. The IT man demonstated to me their supposed data entry procedure. He placed a large pile of papers on my lap he said that they needed to be entered into the database. If there was a green slip attached I needed to follow the instructions. For example, Refund, Pay, More Information, Unsubscribe. One of the most interesting this was the Refunds. They were to be placed in a pigeon hole and sent upstairs.

The IT man then intoduced me to their marketing database. The database consisted of many categories. The categories were the companies run by the eNews. Interestingly, people who requested to be Unsubscribed were never actually removed from the system. The IT manager also explained that a fair few of the people in the system were actually recieving the wrong newsletter or marketing information.

By 2 PM the IT man put another pile of papers on my desk and asked me to enter in those as well. When 3PM rolled around, Ann came back into the room and thanked me for coming and that they were very pleased with me, even though they had not asked for a resume or even a history of my employment or experiences. She said that they had another person waiting and that I would recieve a call by the end of the week.

I thanked them and said my goodbyes and on the tram ride home I took the time to think over what I had just experienced. I would say I am a fairly ethical person and considering what I saw in those few hours if I had got the job I would most definetly reject it. And that is what I did (and because no self respecting person would accept a job with those work conditions).

So that’s my story. Hopefully more people won’t get sucked in by bad business practices and the ACCC will do more to prevent people from running businesses like this.

I must admit… all my life I have had a weight problem. In a space of a couple of months I can sway between eight to ten kilos so shopping for clothing is at the best of times is a real chore.

After browsing through Melbourne Central I decided to make my way across to Myers where they have their new Basement store which is Myer’s playground for Melbourne’s population of elitist and beautiful young people.

I spent some time browsing though the many displays of clothing and settled on a couple of T-Shirts, a pair of cargo shorts and a new jacket.

Interestingly, the T shirts were only large and I was looking specifically for Xtra large. I asked an attendant if they had any XL’s out back. The attendant said what is on display was what they had in stock. After a short pause I thought I would rephrase slightly. I asked her if the shorts came in a larger size. Once again the answer was no. Keen to make a sale the attendant perked up and said that she thought that size would fit me perfect.

I declined to purchase the items and left back for Melbourne Central and brought the clothes that I originally wanted to.

I was dissappointed in Myers in this change of direction because for so many years I have felt that they are a good place to find fashionable clothing at a price that doesn’t break the bank. It has appeared that in Myer’s attempt in going back up market they have also brought back the eliteist factor back big time.

I’ve just signed up for a flickr account (the el cheapo kind). Right now it’s just a online storage for random pictures that I’ve taken with my digital camera (aka VoyeurVision).

http://www.flickr.com/photos/quietly_loud/

Starring:  Bogan Mother, Illegitimate children (x2), Bogan “Father”
Location: Melbourne Central Food Court

Mother and Children enter.
Mother insists on sitting on stools which are too high for children.
Child 1 falls.
Child 1 creates scene.
Crowd turn to see what all the fuss is about.
Child 2 falls.
Child 2 creates scene.
Mother tries to quieten children.
Crowd still watching.
Mother gets angry.
Mother beats living daylights out of Child 1.
Child 1 sits on stool.
Child 1 falls again.
Father enters.
Beats living daylights out of mother for putting children on stool.
Crowd turns away.

/Fin

I recently went to the local HIFI JB to buy your new Rogue Traders album and I must say I am quite impressed. I really do enjoy listening to pseudo-pop-teenie-punk-manufac-genrica music. and I am sure you had such a blast producing it.

So much so that every song seems to sound the same. I mean your manager must be soooo smart, just pull the verses out of a hat (your manager must have forgotten to remove the verses that you already used) and use some ultra-high tech to record the exact same riff in a different pitch with you screaming some made up words down a microphone. Genius.

One thing that I have noticed about teens today is that they are more savvy then Kyle’s time and I dare-say will notice the repetition. Because one thing that people hate more than repetition is more repetition partially in the music industry which relies on fresh new ideas and not repetition. But your producer and manager are really pushing the envelope on this new concept.

Soon your Neighbors contract will no longer be renewed and your character killed off in such a horrible accident that no plausible story-line written by the biggest hack could bring you back to good old Ramsay street. Then you will able to move to England to further your career where you will join that-husband-stealing-whore Delta and that Transvestite Kyle.

After the Brits realize that you are clearly too talented for them, you will be sent packing back down-under where you can perform alongside Z-grade fame whore Holly Valance in some 1800 Reverse Advertisement.

I suppose you should enjoy the fame while it lasts because no music company is willing to pay so much to keep you in the ARIA charts.

Sincerely,
Bobby

PS: Could you please introduce me to your stylist? I’m looking for a new outfit for next halloween and I’m thinking of going for a 1980’s drag queen look…