Click for bigness
I was given a sample of the new business cards I’m getting done for FNT’s side operation.
The position title has a nice ring to it.
Monthly Archive for February, 2007
I never realised how complicated searching for a job was. For someone as smart, sophisticated and handsome as I, I thought that a job would mysteriously land in my lap. Ho Hum.
So in order to help other people on the job hunt I’ve developed Bobby’s definitive guide to getting the job you desire®™
Resume
The key to opening doors is your resume. Most prospective employers determine your computer skills based on how well your resume is laid out. Use Comic Sans and yellow color font to demonstrate your creativity and flair.
Employers know how hard it is to get a good job - they expect you to distort the facts a little. The key to distorting the facts it to manipulate the information just enough to ensure that you aren’t called out on it.
Make sure you don’t tell your references that you intend on handing over their details complete strangers. The extra little surprise that your references will get when someone out of the blue rings to ask about you will ensure a glowing review.
Finding the right job
The most important thing about finding the right job is ambiguity. Look for jobs from recruitment agencies which include “My employer…” or “A world leading firm…” jobs which say “The Commonwealth Bank…” or “BHP” aren’t worth pursuing. Ensure the job description is just as ambiguous - spelling errors and mangled English will bring you one step closer to the job you desire.
Jobs which promise $$$$$$$!, speedboats and sexy women should be considered above all. Put more importance on jobs which have more $ ie: $$$$$$$$!!! is a better job than $$$$.
Remember, speedboats and sexy women only come from jobs which advertise working from home and use patent formulas. Don’t worry if the formula doesn’t work, the job probably wasn’t for you.
Applying
In this age of modern communication, why put your faith in unreliable email technology when you have access to the postal system? Put your resume and cover letter (preferably hand written) folded up many times over in the smallest envelope possible.
Interviews
At this stage, employers should be practically knocking on your door, begging you for interviews. Take your time in responding to their requests, it will make them more nervous and think that a potentional employee as smart and handsome as you are may shun their job offer.
Arrive to the interview an hour late, the idea is to make them sweat - they will think you are executive material. Put up airs and show that you have a higher than thou attitude.
When it comes to negotiating your salary remember you always get better results with a knife than the olive branch. If they negotiate down, you tell them you want more. Stick to your guns. They will know you are a mover and shaker.
After the interview
So you haven’t heard from your new employer for a few days or a week maybe? Best bet is to assume you have the job. Just turn up one day and stake your place at the board room table. Remember, you worked hard for your new job.
The whole concept of Sushi always seemed a little ostentatious to me.
Business people seem to live off the stuff and everyone seems to have their favourite haunt. I’ve never liked Sushi however I’ve never liked eating fish so it seems to balance out.
My mother reckons that the best place for Sushi would be Hong Kong Cafe (AKA Happy Lucky Moonee Ponds) which is located next to the Taberet at Moonee Ponds Junction. The owner makes Sushi and any other meal on the menu on request at any time of the day.
Happy Lucky Moonee Ponds has a $5 lunchtime special which attracts the local Foxtel, ATO staff and the occasional police officer. The lady that runs the place is very gracious and makes sure that the plate is filled to overloaded.
Shame they don’t deliver.
Ha! You thought there was gonna be something about Valentines Day.
Well there isn’t. Keep moving…
So in the smallest amount of words possible I’m gonna describe where I’ve been and doing for the last few weeks. Saves me having to write a whole heap of posts and trying to piece them into some coherent order.
Work
Firstly, I quit my job. In fact I resigned three weeks ago and ended my three year tenure as Network and Support Services Administrator with the Christian Brothers. I finished last Thursday. On my last day I found myself being ignored by a co-worker who is a prominent former Mayor of the City of Yarra ($10 dollars to your favourite charity if you can guess which one - reality blogging part trois).
Monay
Before finishing my job I looked at my financial situation realised that I could survive with no worries without a job for at least four months - provided no large purchases - besides textbooks for the semester are needed.
Craphola Cinema
The new projection screen in Craphola Cinema was removed after less than a month of service. The screen would flick up for no apparent reason. We brought an Optoma HD70 projector and HD capable DVD player. I’m putting the refund for the screen towards a motorised 2.8metre wide screen.
xBox 360
Vale xBox 360 2.0. xBox 360 2.0 died an untimely death. Microsoft will be replacing. Beginning to doubt need to own console.
Myspace
I have a Myspace. I’ve had one for a while.
Love & Relationships
Still no luck. Resolve to profess secret love to close female friend tomorrow. All else fails I’ll try my luck with Telstra lady.
I had to have a blood test last week. First time ever. They had to take 10 samples worth for whatever tests that needed to be done - I’m assuming 10 samples for 10 tests? Anywhoo the nurse said that I passed out after the 6th sample was taken and claimed that I was a lightweight.
Since I went to the pathology lab the bruse on my arm has changed from this red color to a purple-green and hurts like hell. I now have to keep my arm close to me since I don’t want people to get the wrong impression one way or another.